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Image via Wikipedia How do you really raise self esteem? This week we take a look at all the talk about young people, narcissism and the self esteem movement. Then we answer the question: how do you raise self esteem?
Show Notes
Quick Summary of major points:
How self esteem grows:
- Doing well (achieving your goals), on
- Tasks that you value (are important to you)
How to give effective praise:
- Be sincere
- Don’t praise too frequently
- Be specific – help your child learn what strategies lead to success
- Be careful about attributing success to “smarts” – that can backfire. Try to focus on the effort that went into success
Links mentioned in this episode:
- You’ll love the movie The Incredibles. Look for the various references to self esteem
throughout the movie.
- Another review of The Incredibles which also points out the references to the controversy over self esteem.
- Here’s the link to the article entitled, “How Not To Talk to your Kids” by Po Bronson which addresses the self esteem issue.
- Here’s the link to Po Bronson’s great book “What Should I Do With My Life?” on Amazon: What Should I Do with My Life?: The True Story of People Who Answered the Ultimate Question
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wow this episode totally blew my mind. it really explains a lot of american culture currently and some of the problems we are having in staying competitive in a global world. we are not all gifted in the same ways and yes we need real tangible signs when we are ACTUALLY successful. this also can be translated to why affirmative action actually hurts the people it try’s to help. i have been looking for some time to back up my strong feelings that affirmative action is a lose-lose program and this is an excellent observation of society and the impact of certain thought “regimes”.
thank you mr Britt for your hard work and generous sharing of knowledge in a how do i say, “approachable”, way.
Thanks Jesse. People do say that we have a narcissistic culture and that we want to feel good about ourselves no matter what we do. We certainly need to learn to take constructive criticism in order to learn and grow. Glad you’re enjoying the podcast.
Hi Michael,
I recently discovered your podcast and have been listening to it while I paint. In episode 9, on raising self-esteem, you discuss a study conducted by Carol Dweck on methods of praising children. She states that telling students they’re smart when they accomplish something significant generally ‘backfires,’ while praising them by saying that they must have worked hard results in a more motivated student. As an artist, I’ve often felt my stomach drop at the frequent comment “you’re so talented” or “you’re so gifted.” I’ve realized this was because it disregarded the fact that I had worked very hard over many years to reach my current skill level and it suggested that I made each painting in relative ease (through my supposed gift). The reality is that it is predominantly an exhausting, demanding and discouraging process. I believe the “you’re so talented” praise may be equally paralyzing for students as the comment “you’re so smart,” and was wondering if you’d consider doing a podcast on this subject of something related to the psychological process of creating art (be it writing, music, etc). I also believe this concept of talent, while I’m certain it exists, enables and encourages our country to view art as a leisure activity, rather than an essential component of a progressive culture.
Interesting idea – doing a podcast on this topic. I can certainly identify with frustration about comments like, “You’re so talented”. I’ve spent many years and lots of money in singing lessons and while I appreciate positive feedback, the comment does in a way disregard the many hours spent we’ve spent in practice. I want to do more episodes related to creativity and artistic endeavors. I’ll look into this.
In her article What Is Wrong With Feeling Good?, gifted children consultant Elizabeth Mika notes, “Self-esteem needs to be based on your authentic feelings and actions. If who you are and how you behave is way off from who you would like to be (and you are perceptive enough to notice the difference), your self-esteem will undoubtedly ’suffer.’ But there is a message there letting you know that some extra or perhaps a different sort of effort is required on your part.”
Excellent article Douglas. Thanks for linking to it. I agree with Ms. Mika completely on the issue of authentic self-esteem. Well worth reading. Michael
This podcast was actually very eye opening.
Thank you for these!
Dee: Glad you liked the episode. Thanks. You might want to read the article that Douglas linked to in the previous comment. Also good stuff on authentic self-esteem.